Camp Camel

Can you imagine a Camp designed around camels?! Sand rides, spit wars, hump contests. Sounds magical. But until this blog starts bringing in the big bucks (double entendre intended), I'm focusing my efforts on helping others with their own incredible camp organizations.

Meet Campowerment. A weekend retreat located in several locations throughout the US helping women invest in themselves at an actual sleep away camp. That's right ladies, you get to go back to being a kid while still having the luxuries of being an adult ie. liquor, candy, sleeping in, not cleaning up after others, insert other fantasies, etc.

To give you a better idea of how damn cool this concept is, check out some of the fantastic press it's been getting...

The Today Show

CNN - click the link

The Big O!

For four days and three nights, you get to enjoy a vacation meant to pamper and awaken only you. That means, leave your family, job & stress behind. For many, the cost sounds heavy, but most retreats cost upwards of $5,000 per weekend with 1/8 the activities and 0% the fun and nostalgia we all crave from those camp days. And, for the next 2 weeks, you have the chance to get this once in a lifetime experience at a DISCOUNT! 

So spread the word because Malibu is already sold out and dates in 2014 are close to closing as well!

Contact me with any questions or for more info!

Now back to your regularly scheduled date bitching!

Comic of the Day

Go Dutch Or Go Slut?

In an article in The Huffington Post, the idea of who should pay on a date pumped out this statistic: 84 percent of men and 58 percent of women say men pay for most entertainment expenses -- even after they have been dating for some time.

Here's how I handle these situations.

First date: He should pay, but you should offer.

I normally just have drinks unless the conversation keeps flowing and you deem the person sane enough to enjoy a meal with. I'd say 75% of the time, the dude ends up paying. But yeah, I've definitely offered and in turn, even paid for the entire bill. At my age, if the guy doesn't at least do the obligatory fight and eventually shell out my $12 portion (notorious cheap date alert), he's probably not employed or was raised by...

But after some time, and in my book, maybe a couple dates into it, you should do something in return. The article suggests sex, but um, I'm not gonna support that one. In fact, that's basically a barbaric, old fashioned, sexist ideal that pretty much makes you a prostitute. Instead, offer to pay for the next round, a movie or something big enough to show you appreciate his generosity without emasculating him, like the article also suggests. Hell, buy him a happy ending sensual massage from a professional! But don't set an expectation for the horizontal mambo nor feel obligated to do so. I mean, unless you're a slut, in which case, enjoy!

Once you're in a relationship, there should be some sort of standard set. Some men insist on consistently paying, which let's admit is pretty awesome, but I was raised to be a mensch, so I always end up paying for something. I also think it depends on who can afford what. If your man is making significantly less than you, help out! Go dutch or hell, go home! We all have kitchens. Use them! (My brother is giving me a digital high five right now)

So, why am I writing about this? Because, "One of the reasons we are interested in looking at who pays for dates is because it is one arena where women may be resisting gender changes more than men," "As social roles start to change, people often embrace the changes that make their lives easier, but resist the changes that make their lives more difficult."

It's not my place to tell anyone how to live their lives, but with statistics like these, I might dig deep into my cheerleading skills and get crunk on some of yo asses.

Ok fine, I just wanted a chance to use this gif.

Profile of the Day

About Me

Looking for smart and funny human female who is open for fun and spontaneous time with me dumpoet at htm ale

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My life and ambitions

I don't want to be a sex object anymore. I want to be in the relationship.

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A brief history of my life

Currently, a major motion picture.

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My perfect first date

Surprise me!

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On our first date, remind me to tell you the story about...

My fight with Chuck Norris. Actually, no, don't remind me.

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The things I could never live without

are just material things. I could not care less.

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For fun, I like to…

Destroy a beautiful theory with an ugly fact

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On Friday and Saturday nights I typically...

am

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I'm looking for…

If you are fun-loving, intelligent, imaginative and witty, warm and out-going... you are probably already overqualified.

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My ideal relationship

"All I wanna do is zooma zoom zoom zoom and aboom boom." In other words, a relationship with a future.

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My past relationships

Avoid the women that only perceive me as a sexual symbol. I'm more than a piece of arse!

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You should definitely message me if you…

are looking for a 25,000-night stand.

I choose...

I'm A Gay Man

According to an article posted on Buzzfeed, I'm a gay man. I'm also slightly lesbian and only a tad straight female. Straight men are apparently the punchline to every "You know you're a redneck when..." joke.

With that said, I'm still looking for dating stories from both sexes from any sexual orientation, except necrophiliacs. Steve, after that doll photo you tagged me in, I'm unsure how to label you, but you owe me a story. Married people, you were once not married, remember? Non-onliners, I take anything. Even a happily ever after. So, reach out. Share. Empathize. Hands across America. We are the world. We are the single. I'm on Nyquil. 

The Camel

One of my ex's emailed me today suggesting I put my real picture up on the blog and not my alter ego. He said I was prettier than a camel, but let me make it clear, that that's not entirely true.

Exhibit 1: Inhaling air.

Now, let's take a look at a camel. Have you ever laid eyes on a more naturally beautiful creature?

Miss Saudi Arabia 2011. Also, I can't pull off a red lip.

I have no tact. I could've sworn these guys were dressed up like twin cream puffs. I like cherries!

Very happy they weren't filled

Here is a handsome fellow in costume just working that jaw line. His complexion allows him the freedom to wear any color of the rainbow. 

Lives in a desert, not Brooklyn you hipster douche

This is my duck face:

This is a camel's:

Collagen is for Lohan's and Taylor Armstrong

This is me breakdancing:

This is a camel in a Pakistani parade:

Look at that form? Like a gazelle! 

Me eating:

Camel eating:

Ok fine, none of us are cute eating! Except puppies. Which, let's admit, I have far physically in common with...

Matchmaker, Matchmaker... find me a find, catch me a jackpot.

With an array of different dating websites to choose from online, it's hard to decipher which site is best for you. Over the years, my friends and I have all dabbled in a plethora of different religious, sexual orientated, demographic focused websites that basically spit out matches like a Triple 7 slot machine.

"I won! He HAS hair!"

Normally, when you set up your profile, you're asked to fill out general statistics about yourself and maybe a few questions to answer. From there, you set up a filtering system that should display any number of people to fill your fantasy mate plate. With the current technological capabilities plus the increased acceptance to the once negative stigma of online dating, one should expect to fall in love with the press of a button.

Most utilize the search tab to find their own potential suitor, but about once a week, an email from (xoxo.com, rumyone.com, dontrapeme.com, playahata.com, etc) will send you a list of people they deem "matches." On OkCupid they send you "New Quiver Matches." Quiver. The second most vomit inducing word after moist. I take that back, I hate "panties"and "smear" more. 

The criteria is strategic

On JDate, they send you "secret admirers" but insist on you figuring it out on your own. So, let me get this straight. I'm paying $40+ a month to play Russian Roulette on my love life?! At least OkCupid has STAFF ROBOTS to deal the cards. 

Sharon11156 and I can share peddle pushers come Springtime 

Don't even get me started on eHarmony. I never once thought I would end up on there, especially with their heavily devout Christian population and apparent agenda (mom, click the blue-toned copy on the left). But, a friend of mine said she met her fiance on there and always had luck meeting genuine people. I said fine and paid a 3 month trial period up front. After 2 weeks of "matchings" and very few options to search for my own, I gave up. I'm notoriously picky, but when eHarmony suggests a 60-year-old man living in Winnipeg (that's Canada, you damn Yankees), not looking to have kids who thinks Everybody Loves Ramond repeats is a rip roaring Saturday night, I close out my account. 

But, my ultimate favorite matching came from the very named business; Match.com. This site tends to be the most successful, at least within my varied circled of friends. I've had some past success as well, so when I moved back to LA this past year, this was the site I rejoined. One month in, here's who they sent me as a potential match...

If I dated him, I'd just put him in my cheer uniform and make him do Mango every night

Moral of the story: The odds of someone meeting their soulmate through a computerized Matching system (calm down, I just mean the suggested emailed ones) are 1 to Chris Kattan.