Saturday, August 10, 2013

Never Change for Someone Else


"It's called the bend and snap." - Pug

Listen, I'm all for showing your true colors right out the gate. I'm notorious for wearing my heart on my sleeve and my freak everywhere else. Most of the pictures I have of myself online, are colorful, personality highlighting, sexy ass mofo's just waiting to be criticized by a blog like this. But, sometimes you gotta wonder... "Dude, why?"


This guy was on my "checked you out" list. I actually puffed out a squeamish cry at first sight. I'm not a fan of horror films. 
Here was my reaction breakdown: 
1) Ahhh, it's a bald horse with goggles on, no arms, giving Stevie Van Zant a buck around!
2) Wait, I've seen this porn.
3) Is this guy at the dentist?
4) Reason #594 I won't jump out of a plane; complimentary aerial pics.

Sir, I'm sure you're a good dude with a decent dental plan and clear sinuses, but good Moses, why use this picture as your first impression? Wait. Hold up. I respect this, actually. Show your worst right away and it only gets better! Yes! This guy is a genius. This must be a trend...

Thebeanburrito isn't a potential child molester! He's smarter than the rest of us. By using a profile name that oozes anything but sex, an aggressive approach to a first meeting and the "alien" tab on his image editing, he's the exact man you're looking for! Put it all out there, my friends. Make it very clear why you're here and what your next steps are. 

Can't get any more cut and dry than this. Side note: is he dipping? 2 more points for exposing an addiction!



This is PublicApology's only picture. He apologizes. I applaud him.

BBQ Terrier anyone? I'm glad he only showed us the before pic.

The point is, don't glamorize your life. If you're truly looking for a relationship, be up front. Eventually they'll find out you're in a cult that worships Aztec face paint and Puppy Sashimi. 

Dammit Mittens, I had a point!

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